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and begins to regale the group with his story of how he hunted, killed, and brought home the game that helped the tribe survive another few weeks. This recollection not only was a source of entertainment, but education for the young hunters of the tribe.
This guy was a hero!
Today, we don't have great hunts that pit man against beast in the ritual of survival. But, consider how we sit around at the 19th hole after a round of golf and recant our tales of great shots, long drives, and low scores. Or what about that beer break just after a game of basketball with your buddies? Swishing that well placed, 3-pointer was the tie-breaking game winner!
That guy with the lucky putt, or the lucky shot that won the game is a hero!
In any of these cases the hunter, the golfer, or your teammate these guys put themselves out there to tell their stories. They risk over-embellishment, unintended modesty and ridicule by their peers. But, they stood out from the crowd.
What About the Women?
Yes, I've been talking about men, but this is supposed to be about getting women to go out with you. Well, here it is:
By being creative, and taking small, calculated risks, you stand out from the crowd!
That's an important key! Go back and re-read that sentence again.
If you try to follow patterns you're going to have some success. On the other hand, if you forge your own path, you're going to stand out.
Some people stand out because they are ridiculous, but some stand out because they are pioneers. I want you to be a pioneer!
The women that sat around the campfire listened to the stories of the men and plotted their strategies to be with that guy. After all, what better way to improve your position within the tribe than to marry its hero? Today, women want to be with heroes just as much as our ancestors, but it
's far more difficult to determine just who is and who is not one! The instant she sets eyes on you, you're one of the not until proven differently!
To show her you're different, you need to stand out. You do this by being creative!
Tools Needed To Be Creative
So, what do you need to be creative? First, you need a goal. You need something to shoot for. This is really a picture of what you'll be when you become that creative guy that can get a girl to laugh or to agree to meeting you for a walk in the park.
Start by spending a little time thinking about who you'll be when you get it down.This image is a key step; so don't cheat yourself. Get that image down in your mind. Yes, I know you don't have an exact picture yet, but I'm going to help you, so pay attention!
Here are the keys to the picture you should be shooting for:
1) Confidence
2) Humor
3) Smoothness and Style
Let's look at each of these keys:
Confidence
Having, and showing confidence is the #1 thing that women report as being attractive in men. There is a fine line between being confident and being cocky however. It's ok to be a little cocky, but the problem is that most men don't know how far to go with it, and just overdo it. Then, instead of looking confident, they look like jerks.
You show confidence in everything you do: how you dress, how you walk, how you stand, how you speak, how you make eye contact, how you ask for her number. This is the #1 key you're going to have to get down to be creative. If you're not confident in your ability to make the invitation it's going to show. Nothing is more of a turn-off than coming up with some creative way to ask her out, only to deliver it in an unconfident way.
So, how do you develop confidence if you don't have it? Practice! You need to spend some time building a picture in your mind of what it will look like when you ARE confident. If you don't have an example to draw off of, use someone from the movies!
I like to recommend James Bond as he embodies all the points you're after, (but only from movies from the 70's and before the last 3 Bond films were heavily feminized). He's confidence, dresses well, knows what he wants, is smooth, and has a rye sort of humor. He isn't the only example however! How about Rhett Butler from Gone With The Wind? That's a great example. Or what about Harrison Ford in Raiders of the Lost Ark?
Here's an interesting aside; most of the great examples of strong, confident men come from movies before the 60's! Why is this so?feminn of our society! The past 40 years or so have become women-focused, so be careful about choosing a model from anything you've seen from the recent past! Just look at TV men are depicted as fools, bumblers, cheaters, homosexuals, or just idiots. That's not the example you're shooting for! It's also interesting that women are NOT shown in the same light today!
So, to begin, you should first get an idea of what NOT to do. These are some examples of things you want to avoid:
* Not making eye contact
* Stuttering, stammering, or mumbling
* Not having a clear plan or goal
* Not closing the sale or asking for the date
* Fidgeting or being nervous
* Doing anything socially unacceptable like picking your nose or teeth, scratching your crotch, etc.
* Being ungroomed, including your hair, shoes, clothes, hygiene, etc.
* Smiling too much, or insincerely
Now that you know what NOT to do, let's work on that confident image. As I mentioned before, you're going to need to practice this. Don't cheat! Look in a mirror and watch yourself as you smile. Is it natural? Is it sincere? Do you make and hold eye contact? What about your gestures? Are they natural and unforced? Do you walk with an air of confidence? Do you speak slowly and confidently?
So once you get this image firmly planted in your head, you're ready to move on to the next step.
Humor
When I talk about humor, I mean to develop a sense of humor. This doesn't mean lampshade humor, sexual humor, or sarcastic humor. Instead, it means to start seeing what's funny in everything and believe me, there IS something funny in everything. Consider the attack on the World Trade Center:
That's funny even in a tragic situation! Everything has a humorous side. However, that doesn't mean that everything should be made fun of! Telling that joke a week after the attack wouldn't have made you seem funny it would have made you seem insensitive and callous. So, let's look at timing:
There are just four types of humor timing:
1) Current Events like the joke above.
2)Generally Accepted Stereotypes including sexual, national, or stereotypical like: Why does it take little boys longer to be potty-trained? They won't ask for directions!
3) Self Deprecating making fun of yourself, for example: My parents moved up north when I was six but I found them anyway!
4) Classicaly Now, take my wife please types of jokes that are timeless and work in almost any situation.
Learning to tell a joke isn't going to get you laid. Learning to be funny is! So, let's look at how to do this.
First, don't run out a buy a joke book. Simply memorizing jokes isn't going to help you much. The reasons are simple: first, few people can really tell a joke well. For instance:
bunch of guys in prison have told every joke they know so many times that they've simply given them numbers. One guy shouts out 21, and the place breaks into laughter. Another inmate shouts 8, and the place is on the floor.
A new guy, not knowing what the system, but wanting to be part of the group shouts out 33! But, nobody laughs! The new guy leans around to the cell next to his and asks the inmate why nobody laughed.
The guy tells newby, Some people can tell a joke, and some can't!
The second reason is that, unless you're sitting around swapping jokes with people, these are usually out of context. You see, to be funny (and cleaver) you've got to be in the context of the moment. Once the moment passes, so does the humor in it. Now, if you have a large number of jokes in your repertoire, you might have one that fits, but what are the chances?
It's much better to have a sense of what's funny instead. Here's how: first, pay attention! Be aware of what's going on around you you may find just the right circumstance to insert some humor. Second, learn to look at the twists in words or situations. For example, if you are talking to a girl and she says, Do you have a light?It's cleaver to pick up your mini-flashlight on your key chain and turn it on depending on the situation of course. This wouldn't go over very well at a funeral.
The point is the twist. In fact, the best jokes are the ones that have this twist built into them. For example:
A traveling salesman knocks on a door, and a six-year-old kid answers. The kid has a beer in one hand, a cigar in the other, and is stark naked!
The salesman, somewhat shocked, says, Er, son, are your parents at home?
To which the kid replies,Now what the fuck do you think, asshole?
This is funny because of the twist. Nobody expects the kid to be alone, but then, that's why he's getting away with it!
Let's look at some of the twists you can find in everyday life.
* A waiter drops and breaks a glass,Hey the sound of a job opening up!
* The girl tells you a story about her fat roommate:Sounds like her butt deserves it's own congressman!
* Someone amazings or jokingly insults you, Thank you sir may I have another?
* You get the bill for dinner and it has a mistake on it, Hey, if you're going to screw me, I expect for YOU to buy ME dinner first! (So no one thinks you're serious, make sure you stress a joke of this fashion in a comical tone of voice)
The real point here is to stay alert and to learn to look for the twists in situations. Look at what makes something funny, and learn to use it to your advantage. This makes you look clever!
Smoothness and Style
Smoothness is simply good planning.
There are some guys that can come off smoothly in just about any situation. However, most of us can't. We CAN substitute planning for this however. If you expect a situation, it's much easier to be prepared to ride it through. Of course, you can't anticipate every possible to have a larger plan that fits the event.
Heres how you do this: by getting a feel for the present situation, and trying to pinpoint just a few of its overtones. For example, a wedding is a happy event to most people, (unless you're the guy with the 8-months pregnant bride, and a shotgun toting father in law!) So, you can reasonably expect people to be happy, open and engaging.
Likewise, a seminar on tax law isn't going to invoke a lot of enthusiasm. However, people may be looking for anything that will break the tedium. You can use this to your advantage. Walking up to a cute tax accountant with something like, sorry miss but you don't seem to be enjoying yourself, here. Can I help in some way?
Try to think in context when you're somewhere. Being in context includes the following elements:
1) Being appropriate to the event and location
2) Recognizing the mood of the people there
3) Staying in that mood yourself, but using twists to stand out
4) Having a close or a method of getting what you want a number, a date, etc.
Part of all of this is style. If people know you at all, they're going to be able to predict how you'll handle yourself. If you deviate very far from this expectation, it will be obvious and others may point it out, thus blowing your efforts to be smooth.
So, work within your style. If you're normally gregarious and talkative, stay that way don't try to become shy. If you're normally shy, don't try to be the life of the party. Find a style and stick with it.
Putting It All Together
Ok, so now, you've got the confidence to approach her and ask her out. You've leaned how to use humor and to find the twist in situations, and you've got your style worked out and you're put together. How do you use this to be creative and to actually get a date?
By finding one single way to stand out from the crowd!
Preliminary Rules
Before you decide to ask a woman out, make sure you have everything else in place. For example, is she dating anyone else? You should know this before you ask her out for an event of any significance like weddings, family events, holidays, or Valentine's Day. These events are couple events. Obviously, her first expectation is to spend her time with someone she's already dating. If she is coupled and you try to ask her out, you're going to get shot down.
So, the first rule is to make sure she's available!
The second thing to consider is the current relationship you have with a woman. If you're the only one dating her, almost any event is open. On the other hand, if you've only had a working relationship with her, she is the sister of one of your friends, etc.; you've got a very weak position from which to approach her. Thus, having a drink on her birthday would be ok, but spending Christmas with her is too far, too fast.
So, the second rule is to consider your current relationship with her, and don't run before you walk! Further, be careful where you invite here consider your goals for the future. If you invite a woman you just met to a wedding, don't be surprised if she thinks you're interested in more than just an escort.
Lastly, don't forget the points we've already covered be confident, be humorous, and be smooth. In order to be creative, you've got to draw from all of the elements ve already talked about. Let's look at some examples:
Valentine's Day
Be careful here! If you invite a woman out for Valentine's Day, you're instantly telling her you want a relationship with her. To women, Valentine's Day is unbelievably important. The significance of the event can't be over-rated.
If you already have a relationship (i.e. you've dated her a couple of times), you're in a good position to spend some time with her on this most important of days. Consider too, to many woman, Valentine's Day is really just a way of seeing if their guy can come up with yet another perfect gift! If you go out with her on February 14th, you're expected to bring a gift but don't expect one in return!
Ok, that said, let's look at how to ask her out for Valentine's Day:
First, your invitation should be more than just Hey, what are you doing on the 14th? This is going to show you as callous and uncaring. If she accepts such an invitation, she's going to expect some huge event to make up for your insensitive approach and God help you if you don't come through! Your invitation should be something special remember the importance of the day to her.
Here are a couple of example invitations:
A ring box left at her desk at work with a note in it reading, Why don't I ring you for dinner on Valentine's Day?
A Valentine's Day card, sealed in an envelope with Open ONLY if you accept my invitation on the 14th for dinner! (How could she NOT open it to find out whom it's from?)
Her Birthday
Inviting a woman out for her birthday is usually a safe bet, but consider that she may be spending it with her boyfriend or family. The best idea is to keep it simple invite her out for a drink to celebrate her day. Unless you've dated here a few times, don't make it too grand; including gifts, balloons, a clown, etc., she's going to think it's rather odd. So, keep it simple. If you want to give her something, make it a card. Even here, be careful with the sentiment. Nice will go a long way.
As an example of this, ask her if she has plans for her birthday (or a day shortly before or after), and tell her you want to take her out for a birthday drink and optional spanking!
Your Birthday
Interestingly, this is a good time to invite someone you're interested in getting to know better. If you're meeting friends for drinks, you could invite her, or your can simply say, How'd you like to buy me a drink for my birthday? Of course, you're probably not going to get very far if you invite her to create some elaborate birthday celebration for you. Simple is the real key here.
You can involve some humor here as well. Why not say, You know, it's my birthday on Wednesday would you like to put on your big red nose and big floppy shoes and help me celebrate? If you really play it, you could ad, You don't need to bring any gifts sex is enough. But use your best judgment!
If you're looking for a way to invite her, try this:Monday is my birthday how do you want to celebrate it? Then, be quiet and let HER do the talking.
Holidays
Holidays are somewhat more difficult when you don't already know someone well. To most people, holidays mean family, friends, etc. If you aren't in the circle it may be more difficult to get her to agree to spend time with you.
This would be a case where some creativity could really go a long way. Your creativity doesn't have to cost much however. There are sites on the Internet the allow you to send e-cards to others if you know their email addresses.www.interracialvillage.com one example.
You can send her a card for the holiday and let it do some of the work for you. In the card, just say that you're thinking of her for the holiday, and will call later to see if she's available to get together. However, don't let the card to the inviting for you! come off as a coward, or worse, insincere.
Here's another great example actually used by a friend of mine. At his workplace, people draw names from a hat. Then, they get an inexpensive gift for that person. This friend of mine actually found who had drawn the name of a girl he was interested in and traded his for her name. Then, he got a beautiful box from Tiffany's and wrapped a gift certificate in it for dinner for with him!
Weddings, Bar- and Bat-mitzvahs, and Family Events
These are unusual events. For example, it's appropriate to ask someone you've been seeing for awhile to join you at one of these events. Likewise, it's ok to ask someone you haven't been out with before to one of these. However, if you've had just a few dates with someone (less than 4), this isn't going to be appropriate!
Huh? How can that be? Simple: when you ask someone you've never been with before to one of these events, she'll see herself as an escort rather than a date. On the other hand if you've already dated her a few times, an invitation to one of these events is going to be seen as moving too fast! Remember: women work on inference. By going to a wedding, you're implying (in her eyes) that that is where you want to go with her.
When inviting someone to a wedding or another emotional/religious event consider that you want her to be your escort. Perhaps your goal IS to move things forward, and that's ok. Just say to her, ve been invited to a bat-mitzvah on Saturday, and I'm going to look pretty silly being the only one there without an escort. Would you please help me out? This will work because not only have you diffused the implied relationsip thing, you
re asking her for her help not a date.
There is another benefit here. Consider that many men are notorious about giving gifts too early in relationships. For example, on the first date, they show up with flowers and a teddy bear. Believe me, you look like a dope. I don't care what she says; she knows that you aren't very sophisticated as you look like you're trying to buy her affections.
If you're one of these guys and can't seem to stop yourself, make the first invitation to her a wedding! Then, you can bring a corsage with you and give it to her to wear at the event. This will seem perfectly acceptable and even thoughtful!
An example you might use here would be to ask her by telling her that you don't like going to these events alone you're always getting hit on!
Seminars, Conventions, Work-Related Events
Many people recommend that you don't date people from work. While I agree that there are many possible problems with doing this, I also feel that you have a great pool to draw from you already know something about these women, you have something in common, you spend time with them, and you have built-in reasons to get together.
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