Interracial Dating: Dating Asian Women

Introduction
YOU'RE ABOUT TO DISCOVER PARADISE
There's an old joke that defines Hell as living in a Japanese house on a Chinese income with a British cook and an American wife. Heaven of course is living in a British house on an American income with a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife. This course is for every Western man who is attracted to Asian women and wondering how to go about satisfying his desires. The viewpoint and references are inevitably biased toward America, because that is where I live. However, I'm sure that most of it will be just as useful to Australians, Canadians, Germans, etc., so I don't want you to think this is only for American men. But of course you
know your particular situations better than I do and may have to adapt some of what I say. Similarly, being a European-American, I'm writing from a white guy's perspective. I don't mean to exclude African- Americans, however, though sometimes they may think that. If you fall into this category I hope you'll read the main text for its information, which applies to everybody,
and then Lesson 34 in Unit IV, "For African-American Men," which will be directed toward you in a way I hope you won't find offensive. (I am opinionated and my opinions aren't always politically correct.) Also, although I am a man and this is course was written with the assumption that ninety-nine percent of its readership will be male, I am sure that there are Western women who want to date Asian women. To those of you who fall into this category, I give the same advice I'm giving black men. Read the entire book for the general information, then refer to Lesson 37 in Unit IV, "For Women.
ALL ASIA-PHILES ARE WELCOME HERE
Western men have been fascinated by Asian women since at least Marco Polo returned to Italy, but until the recent development of modern transportation only a lucky few have been able to experience these fascinating ladies for themselves, especially without having to undergo the hardships and dangers of being sailors and soldiers. James Michener's first book TALES OF THE SOUTH PACIFIC catapulted to bestsellerdom by presenting loves that crossed racial lines. Bali Hai! is the haunting cry of
those of us searching for a tropical paradise an exotic romance to end both our loneliness and the boredom of modern life.
Go back and reread the free report you were sent when you answered our ad. That will get you in the mood to get started with this course. But I want to add something that I didn't put in the report.
ANY MAN CAN FIND THIS HAPPINESS
Don't think that you cannot find the right Asian woman just because you've never had close contacts with Asians, have never traveled or because the only multi cultural experience you have is crossing a state line. I grew up in the upper Midwest. The only Asian I knew was Kim the Korean orphan, but although he did have a Korean appearance he didn't act any differently than the
rest of us, and probably knew no more about Asia. I was twenty-one before I visited California and tasted my first Chinese meal. The Chinese man who ran the place probably thought I was crazy, gushing about his strange mood.
So if you get discouraged, just remember how far behind I started. I never even ate an egg roll until I was twenty-one! You will encounter difficulties and cultural conflicts and setbacks. Take them calmly, as Asians do, and you will
learn some of what they know about life and will therefore
be better prepared to understand them, and this will help
you capture your dream woman in one year or less.
Feel free to call or write me through Mango Press, PO Box
2828, St. Louis Mo 63111. 1-314-995-8601. After you've
found your woman, please tell me. If it's a good story that
will teach future readers maybe you'll let me include your
tricks and secrets in a future edition. And I'll certainly be
thrilled to receive your wedding announcement.
Yours in search of love, happiness and sexual fulfillment,
Robert Henderson
Introduction
7
SUGGESTED PLAN FOR USING THIS
COURSE
1. Read the course straight through in its entirety, or the
units you bought.
2. If you don't already know what your goals regarding
Asian women are, think it over until you decide. Take
long walks or drives until you know what's in your heart.
Do you want marriage or uncommitted dating? An Asian
woman in the US or Asia? Will you bring her here?
3. Reread and study all lessons that apply to your goals.
4. Decide which method you prefer to reach your goals.
5. Send off for all other materials that might help you. See
Lesson 39 in Unit IV.
6. Read other background books.
7. Start putting your plan into action!
8. Keep working at it. Don't give up no matter how
discouraged you may feel sometimes.
9. While you're working your plan, make more money and
save more.
10. Cut down on sweets and fat foods, cigarettes and
booze. Eat more fruits, vegetables and whole grains.
Exercise regularly.
Let's get started. Lessons 1 and 2 of Unit I can change your
entire life!
Introduction
8
Important
Background
Information
Unit 1
Unit 1 Unit 1
Win Your Dream Woman NOW!
The Secrets of Dating Asian Women
A Home Study Course in Four Units
By Robert Henderson
Published by Mango Press. Copyright 1995. All rights reserved.
No part of this text may be reproduced in any format except for the personal use of the purchaser.
Lesson 1
Getting Ready
For Love,
Happiness
& Sex
Getting Ready For Love, Happiness And Sex
Before I start writing about Asian women, I want to
write about you. This course will teach you to fulfill your romantic and
sexual dreams with Asian women and that'll be extremely
important and satisfying, but I hope you'll go all the way to
the limit. To begin showing you what I mean, let me ask:
Are you ready to capture your dream woman?
Strange as it may sound, many people drag their feet
through life, never daring to go after their innermost,
truest desires. I was sure that way. As I said in the free
report, I wasted over twenty years of my life. No, it's not
too late for me to live out my dreams, but I can never
regain those lost years and vanished opportunities.
This course will take work on your part. Reading all the
lessons isn't enough. That won't make your dream Asian
woman knock on your front door. You'll have to study the
lessons, read the background material and then get off
your duff.
You'll need money. There's no such thing as a free lunch
so don't expect a free woman. If you don't have plenty
now, start saving. Get a better job or start a business. Do
both find a better job and work a business part-time, until
you're making so much money at your business you can't
afford to continue spending forty hours a week working
for someone else. Cut down on your expenses. What's
more important, an Asian woman in your bed or watching
a first run movie by yourself? Cancel that subscription to
TIME. It lies, and you can read it in the grocery store while
you stand in the checkout line. Pay off your credit cards.
Begin investing.
Appearances count. Your clothes can be formal or casual,
but they should always be clean and neat. You should
look clean and neat. Keep your hair a length you can
manage. Whether that's short or long, you don't want to
look scruffy. It's best to be clean-shaven. Thai women
think beards and mustaches make men look old.
Scroungy and grungy styles are definitely out.
How's your body? If you're more than 20 pounds
overweight start eating more vegetables and less fat and
sugar. Walk or run, lift weights. Sure, it's true that many
Asian women won't care that you're fat, but many are
more attracted to muscles than flab. Besides, the feminists
are right on this issue. It's hypocritical of you to look for an
Asian woman because she's thin if you yourself are as
overweight as the American women you're spurning.
Do you smoke, drink or drug to excess? Happiness isn't a
short-term thrill and then you die young. Your Asian
woman will make your life happy for many years but only
if you live that long.
You haven't found her yet, but you have hope. You have a
reason to live. Don't poison yourself and shorten your life
with bad food. Sex is the greatest pleasure of all. But it's
hard to have good sex when you're so out of shape you're
on the verge of a heart attack. If you're happy with a
minimum wage job you can't afford an airplane ticket to
Asia and the INS won't let you bring your woman here
anyway, because you couldn't afford to support her.
My idol is a man who swears he's 65 but looks 40. He's
wealthy from owning his own business and travels the
world backpacking, The last time I saw him he was in a
Bangkok disco with a beautiful female companion young
enough to be his granddaughter.
I want a lifestyle similar to his but I don't want to wait, and
I want to live that good life until I'm 200.
That isn't a dream, that's a goal. The first step toward
finding your Asian woman and changing your entire life
around, is to learn the difference.
11
Lesson 2
What Do You
Really Want?
What Do You Really Want?
This is absolutely the most important chapter of this
book. As you can see, it is only a simple question. But if
you don'tlearn the answer you will waste
more years of your life, just as I wasted over twenty years
of mine. It seems very obvious to state this in so many
words, but until you know what you want, you won't get
it. Until you can answer this question you are just groping in
the dark without a plan or a goal. This course will interest
you, you may enjoy reading it, but you won't achieve real
happiness.
When you can answer that question truly you can put this
course and all the others you read to real use. You can
transform your entire life. You'll not only find your dream
woman (or women, if that's what you really want), but
you'll satisfy all the desires and needs most important to
you.
Nobody can tell you what those are. Nobody should try
(although self-appointed franchise owners of moralistic or
politically correct Heavens certainly do).
This sounds so simple and basic it's practically childish.
Trouble is, it's so simple and basic that most people never
even think about it. They go from day to day, sometimes
thinking about certain things they want, etc. but often
winding up with the man or woman they just happen to
wind up with, with the job they just happen to have.
Only when things go bad do they start asking
fundamental questions. My advice is, don't wait until
then. Start now!
Also, I must stress here that I'm NOT telling you to
daydream or make a `wish list.' Sure it'd be nice to win the
lottery. Sure it'd be nice if a famous and beautiful movie
star fell instantly in love with you. But those are things
you can't make happen. Lightning strikes occasionally but
when it does it usually kills!
You need to have concrete goals you can set that are
realistically obtainable through your own efforts in a set
period of time. That's the difference between dreams and
goals.
If you want to be rich it's okay to buy a few lottery tickets if
you can afford to lose the money, but it's crazy to depend
on them. Nobody would admit to it, but that's what most
people do. Ask everybody standing in those long lines to
buy lotto tickets why they're there. Of course they want to
get rich, that's all lotteries are good for. Then ask them
what else they're doing that could give them a realistic
chance of becoming rich. Are they buying real estate?
Investing in stocks or bonds? Running a mail order
business on the side? Not likely, not most of them.
If you expect to live the life of your dreams, you'd better
first of all decide what life you're dreaming of, in very
concrete, realistic detail.
If you expect to find the woman of your dreams, you'd
better first decide what woman you're dreaming of, in
very concrete, realistic detail.
A FREE TRIP TO THE BEACH
Give yourself an entire evening for this or, even better, an
entire weekend. Turn off the TV, the radio, the CD player
and the telephone. You're taking time out from the trivia
of your life to find out what's most important to you.
Don't allow anything or anybody to interrupt you.
You want to enter a state of deep relaxation. Lie or sit in a
comfortable position. Breath very deeply and slowly and
close your eyes. Tense your muscles in one part of your
body at a time, starting with your feet. Just tense them
very hard for a few seconds, then let them loose. That's the
best way to relax them. Work slowly up from your feet.
Relax your calves, your thighs, your pelvis, etc. Pay
particular attention to your face muscles, your tongue and
the muscles around your eyes. Take your time. You don't
have to go anywhere, do anything or see anybody. This is
for you, to make your future the happiest it can be.
After you've relaxed your body by parts, tense it all at once
for several seconds, then let go. Repeat, then relax totally.
In your mind picture yourself as lying on a white tropical
beach. The heat from the hot sun overhead is making you
feel heavy and sleepy. You're sinking into the soft sand.
The surf is pounding the shore rhythmically. You're on a
South Pacific island paradise.
Just keep breathing deeply and listening to the birds sing
until you feel yourself in a very dreamy state of mind.
Then tell yourself that you are sharing Paradise with your
perfect woman. She's there next to you. You can see her.
13
What Do You Really Want?
Is she lying down or sitting beside you? Enjoying the sun
or putting up a beach umbrella to protect her skin? Maybe
she's covering you with sand or about to dash into the
water for a quick swim.
Is she tall? Short? Thin? Big-breasted? I assume she's
Asian, but does she seem to be from a specific country?
Talk to her. Is she serious or laughing? Is she wearing a
conservative swim suit, a string bikini or is she naked?
How often do you make love to her?
Are you there on your honeymoon or is she a woman you
hired as a temporary companion? Are you going to return
with her to America or do you live on that island, perhaps
because it's so cheap or because you've made so much
money you can afford a fancy mansion overlooking the
sea. Do you have to return to America in two days or be
fired or can you take all the time you want, because your
investments are working for you no matter where you are?
Think over all the aspects of your ideal life in the future.
Let your imagination join with your desires. If you could
make all your wishes come true, where would you be and
what would you be doing? And who would be you there
and doing that with?
If you go sleep, that's okay. You probably need the rest.
When you wake up, take a walk or a long drive out to the
country. Think about how this exercise made you feel and
what you want out of life. Try it again, several times.
Don't watch TV, just sit and stare into space and brood
until you know what you want out of life and from the
woman in it.
When you're sure, write your goals down. That's an
important step. When they are only mental images in
your mind they remain dreams. Write them down. That
forces you to define them in concrete detail.
You can daydream about being rich. When you write
down a specific objective with a specific time limit, you
have set a goal for yourself. You must write it down.
JOIN THE TOP OF THE GRADUATING
CLASS OF YALE UNIVERSITY
In 1953 the graduating class of Yale University was asked
if they had a clear, specific set of goals written down with a
plan for achieving those goals. Only 3 percent said they
had such written goals. In 1973 researchers went out and
interviewed the graduates After twenty years, the 3
percent who had written goals in 1953 were worth more
financially than all the other 97% put together. They all
had the same highly prestigious Ivy League degree. The
difference between them was the written goals.
It is important to give yourself a time limit. If you don't,
your so-called `goal' will remain a mirage that always
recedes into the distance away from you no matter how far
through the desert of daily life you walk.
Always give yourself a reasonable but not too stretched
out deadline to achieve your goal. You can't become a
millionaire overnight unless you're already worth
$999,999. But it is achievable in five years or even less, if
you start to work on it.
Having sex with a beautiful exotic woman is a
masturbation fantasy. Writing down that you will be
married to a gorgeous and loving Southeast Asian woman
within two years is a goal.
I have adopted the `slogan' that you should capture your
dream (Asian) woman in one year or less. Of course, you
must choose your exact goal and time limits. That is just a
catchy but useful and feasible example. This course has
two related purposes. It will teach you enough about the
different varieties of Asian women and the possibilities for
sex and romance with them for you to decide what you
want. It will also instruct you how to find the woman you
want. But what kind is that? The next section will give
you more questions to answer while you're lying on the
tropical beach.
WHAT KIND OF ASIAN WOMAN DO YOU
REALLY WANT?
Don't try to decide right away, but as you continue to read
through this course, keep asking yourself how you see
yourself fitting into the picture. There are many choices
you must make. As you read over the advantages and
disadvantages of each possibility, ask yourself how you
feel about them. Some of you will be more comfortable
with some situations than others.
Where do you want to live? In Asia or America?
Do you want your woman living in the US with you or do
14
you want to keep her at home overseas waiting for your
visits?
As you willing to learn a new language? Do you want a
woman who already speaks English? Are you willing to
teach her?
Do you want a casual girlfriend, a mistress or a wife? Do
you want more than one? (Yes, possible if you can afford
it, but not under the same roof!)
Do you want just sex or love too? Or just love?
Do you want a wild and passionate sex partner or a merely
passive one? Do you want her already experienced or a
virgin? Are you willing to at least consider marrying a
prostitute?
What religion do you want your wife to be, or does it
matter? She probably won't want to convert you. Are you
willing to say the same? Can you accept that even if she
converts to please you, her heart will probably remain
loyal to the religion she was brought up in?
Do you want children? How many? What religion do you
plan to raise them as? What country do you want them to
grow up in? What language do you want them to speak?
Are you willing to raise her children by another man?
Are you attracted to any particular nationality or region?
Why? Are you willing to consider alternatives?
What type of economic status will satisfy you and are you
making that income now? If not, what are you doing to
reach your economic goals? (Your woman has a right to
know what lifestyle to expect.)
How willing or able are you to uproot yourself and your
life, and change? Do you want your woman to work at a
job? Can you handle it if she makes only the minimum
wage? Remember, she probably won't have an American
college degree or skills useful in the tight American job
market. However, she may be a whiz at running a small
business renting out videotapes of foreign movies.
Do you want a series of girlfriends or prostitutes you see
only when you go overseas?
Do you want a well-educated woman or not?
Read the rest of this course, consider all the information in
it, think about your life and its possibilities and constraints
and how you want to live it. Do the beach relaxation
exercise as many times as you need to, then write down
your goals, including as specific and complete a
description of your ideal woman as you can, then go after
her.
You can always change your mind. You probably will.
Many men who've visited Asia for emotionally
uncommitted sex for pay have wound up married. But
being aware of all the options ahead of you will help you
steer clear of problems you hadn't considered and keep
you on the path toward your goal.
And understand you're not going to `try' to find the
woman of your dreams. You are going to find her.
âTryingâ implies not succeeding. You are planning to
succeed. You must commit yourself to that goal. You're
not going to `try' to reach your goal. You will test different
techniques. Some of those techniques may indeed fail. If
so, you will then test another one.
No more excuses. I don't care how old, ugly, fat, poor, sick
or stupid you are. You can change all those things. Not
overnight, but you can start today. And there is still some
Asian woman who will be crazy enough to love and marry
you. If you give her a chance.
DON'T DAYDREAM COMMIT YOURSELF
IN WRITING
Resolve here and now that no matter what happens,
you're goingto find your dream woman, in one year or
less. Write it down. Look at what you've written every
morning and plan what you're going to do that day to
reach your goal. Look at it again every night before you go
to bed to remind yourself what you did that day and what
remains to be done tomorrow.
She may not be the first woman you approach or the
hundredth. You may go out, spend money, write letters,
make phone calls, smile at women on the street, visit the
families of many many women. Some may laugh at you,
some may scorn you, some may take advantage of you.
Whatever happens, you're going to move on to a new
technique, a new woman. The one you want is out there.
Every wrong woman is going to teach you something new.
What Do You Really Want?
15
What Do You Really Want?
She's going to guide you toward the right method for you
by showing you what doesn't work for you. Never give
up.
The time you sit at home alone feeling sorry for yourself
doesn't count as time spent working toward your goal. Set
a calendar deadline and then keep on consistently through
all obstacles and setbacks.
You do have a lot to learn, so we'll start with the next
lesson.
16
Lesson 3
Clearing
Your Mind
With Misleading
Conceptions
Clearing Your Mind Of Misleading Misconceptions
I hope that the introduction and the first two chapters
fired you up and started you thinking about how wonderful it will be to capture your dream woman.
That was their purpose. The purpose of this entire course,
however, is to teach you to turn those dreams into reality.
And you know, when you build sand castles in the sky
you'd better start on the ground.
That's why it's now time to get real. First, you need to clear
your head.
Bear with me here. I've already spoken out about so-called
feminists misunderstanding Asian women. Now it's your
turn. If your foot doesn't fit what I'm going to say, fine.
But I'm sure that many men reading this do need to be
reminded of some simple facts of life.
DON'T MISTAKE STEREOTYPES FOR
REALITY
First of all: Asian women are human beings. Which means
they each have a unique combination of good and bad
points. They range across the personality spectrum. True,
how this is expressed is deeply affected by their culture
and their upbringing, which is vastly different than
American women, which is mostly good, but it means they
aren't stereotypes.
Let's face it. Some men do believe in the fantasy that Asian
wives are submissive slaves to their husbands and that's
why they want one. That is racist. If this shoe does fit, I'm
sorry to disappoint you, but I can't help you find a fantasy
that doesn't exist in reality. In fifteen years of dating and
marriage to Asian women, I've had my back walked on
once, and that was just recently.
Asian women have minds of their own. That doesn't keep
them from being devoted to their husbands and it doesn't
mean they don't make fantastic wives with, in general, all
the wonderful qualities I've described. It does mean that
you shouldn't expect them to conform to your illusions.
They won't.
The people selling that illusion are Asian men. I've
certainly had Asian male friends tell me what wonderful
wives Asian women made, that they always obeyed their
husbands, etc. This is propaganda pure and simple. It
increases Asian men's face.
In fact, Asian women's own self-image is that they get
angry a lot. After my divorce an Asian woman said to me,
"Next time you'll marry an American woman, won't you?
Because now you know Asian women are angry too
much." Also, an elderly Filipina once told me that it's only
Thai women who are âfiery,' that Filipinas are raised to be
sweet. She should tell that to some âfiery' Filipinas I know!
Remember that it's individuals who make the difference.
An angry personality will get angry a lot whether she's an
Asian or Caucasian woman. An even-tempered
personality will stay calm whether she's Asian or
American.
In your search for your woman you must keep in mind
that you are dealing with flesh and blood human beings,
not stereotypes. Treating them as one will be unfair to both
of you.
Let's face facts. Most Asian women are beautiful but some
are plain and a few are even ugly. Some are clumsy. Rude
and inconsiderate. Loud-mouthed and ill-tempered.
Greedy and disrespectful.
Some are downright obnoxious. I once went met a Lao
woman in a Thai massage parlor who talked of nothing
else but of how she didn't like Western men. We were
stingy. She bragged of how much money some Japanese
men had given her. I left her the smallest tip I've ever
given a woman in that sort of situation.
There's nothing wrong with starting your search for a
woman by aiming at a particular group that interests you
more than some. It's fortunate for us that many Asian
women are searching for American men. But it is both
racist and stupid to expect every member of that group to
conform to an inhuman ideal.
After all, you don't want her to want just any American
man, do you? I hope not. You'll want her to want you for
yourself as well, not just because she believes you'll be
`nicer' than an Asian man or you'll take her out of poverty
to America. You should want her to see you as more than a
green card. In return she'll expect you to see her as more
than an exotic cook and live-in mistress.
Stereotypes are easy. Reality is complex, messy and full of
bothersome details. It'll take me the rest of the book to
clear up all the misapprehensions.
18
Clearing Your Mind Of Misleading Misconceptions
So let's talk about the stereotypes first. I call them the
China Doll, the Dragon Lady and Suzy Wong.
THE CHINA DOLL
It's a fact of genetics that in general Asians are physically
smaller than Caucasians and blacks. They run shorter and
thinner. They have relatively little body hair and more
delicate facial features.
These are only averages. There are six foot tall Asians, fat
Asians and Asian women with breasts big as bowling
balls. Just as there are tiny white and black women. But
the averages create our images.
In our culture we attach importance to size. Thus, men are
more important than women, adults than children, etc.
This is âsizismâ and it's very prevalent, and women are just
as guilty of it as men. I have heard large women refer
disparagingly to small women as `little girls.' A more
positive aspect of this prejudice is that well intentioned
people want to protect those who are smaller than
themselves.
Therefore many Westerners unconsciously treat Asians,
especially Asian women, as children no matter how old
they are. Asian women are relatively small on the average
and speak with high pitched voices that we associate with
children. They are also socialized to act modestly in
public, to be quiet, unassuming, courteous and sweet, etc.
Also, Asian men spread the myth that their women are
passive, faithful and obedient.
All these factors combine to make it very easy for well
intentioned Westerners to patronize Asian women. It
makes it easy to think of them as victims, and mainstream
feminists love to have victims to pity. They believe all the
China Doll stereotypes about Asian women _ the better to
work themselves into an outrage over the injustice of their
treatment at the hands of Western men.
"Those poor little women. They're just like fragile dolls.
We must protect them. Since they are really children in
our eyes we must prevent evil Western men from
molesting and exploiting them."
(Note also that this assumes that sex is in itself inescapably
bad and harmful to women. This is another clue that
current day feminism has long forgotten the battle for true
equality and is promoting a revival of Victorian
moralism.)
Never mind that Asian women do much of that continent's
heavy labor. Never mind that in general they are far more
capable of defending themselves emotionally than
American women. I've heard American women proudly
refer to themselves as bitches. None of them are more than
talented amateurs. My wife was a pro.
But never mind. Asian women are small and passive and
must be protected by American women who are so much
stronger, smarter and more liberated.
Let's be very clear and call this what it is just as boldly as
they do. This is racism.
They'll deny it. They'll hate being accused of something so
politically incorrect. They'll sputter and go on about this
and that, but it's still true. Their actions to keep Western
men away from Asian women to `protect' the women
prove it. This also relates back to the way they deliberately
make it sound as though all American men who want sex
with Asians are pedophiles. They and the mass media
confuse these issues because so many of them think of
Asian women as children.
And make no mistake about it: emotions run high over
this. About a year ago a man posted a message to a Prodigy
Travel Bulletin Board requesting information on how to
locate companies offering sex tours to Asia. He made it
quite clear that he was NOT interested in sex with minors,
only adults. Before the end of the weekend over a
hundred and twenty messages had been posted, a record.
Nobody answered his question. What did happen was
that women and men wrote in to vent their outrage over
this `exploitation' of Asian women and girls, and men
wrote in to defend the inquiry and attack the general state
of male/female relations in this country today, and the
entire issue was rehashed from a number of directions.
One man posted an incredibly large number of newspaper
clippings regarding prostitution in Asia in general and
child prostitution in particular, although that had NO
relevance to the original inquiry. He is obviously
obsessed with the subject, said he had downloaded
thousands of such clippings. He apparently even believes
the statistics in them. He probably has never been to Asia
himself. This man indirectly accused the original inquirer
19
Clearing Your Mind Of Misleading Misconceptions
and his defenders of exploiting Asian women and
children by even thinking about going on such a sex tour.
More recently, CBS ran a sensationalistic story about
correspondence companies, focusing on a man in Texas
who shot his Filipino ex-wife. Connie Chung of all people!
actually had the nerve to suggest this meant marriages
between American men and foreign women should be
outlawed. Is this an outrageous intrusion on freedom or
what? No, it's not a law yet, but it does reveal how
influential media moguls think, what they'd like to have
the government do.
Given that thousands of Americans kill their American
spouses or ex-spouses every year, maybe that's the type of
marriage that should be banned.
When I told a politically active feminist friend of mine that
I was engaged to a Thai woman, the first thing she said
was: "Are you marrying her because she's not a feminist?â
I'm very proud of myself for how I handled that. Not only
wasn't I rude in return (I'd been expecting to hear
`Congratulations.'), I replied with the perfect rejoinder:
"How do you know she's not a feminist?"
But, of course, Asian women are passive victims of
patriarchal exploitation, so how can anyone not simply
assume they are not feminists? As it turned out, my wife
was a far stronger and more assertive personality than any
American woman I've ever known or heard tell of. She'd
never attended a Consciousness Raising meeting, never
read THE SECOND SEX or joined NOW, but she was no
weak passive childish doll.
And neither is the Asian woman you're looking for.
THE DRAGON LADY
I find I don't have much to say about this stereotype. If you
believe that Asian women are devious schemers who will
manipulate men without moral scruple, you're probably
not reading this course. Who would want to date a cross
between Mata Hari and Fu Manchu?
No, you're probably more attracted to the China Doll. You
want her to walk on your back every night. (Ha!).
If not, maybe you think Asian women know ancient sexual
secrets and are naturally passionate. You don't want a
China Doll you're after Suzy Wong.
SUZY WONG
This may sound confusing, but in this section I'm referring
to the stereotype Suzy Wong NOT to the character Suzy
Wong in the novel and the movie. This may sound like a
picky distinction but to me it's not because I was charmed
and delighted by the character. The book's author
obviously was keenly aware of the magic of Asian women
and he captured it as well as a novel could. I should be half
so successful in this book. The actress who portrayed her
in the movie and the director also did a good job of
communicating Suzy's spirit.
Unfortunately, many people prefer to think in generalities
and `Suzy Wong' has come to be a shorthand label for
`Asian prostitute.' The original character is a wonderful
and individual human being. In fact, all the prostitutes in
the book were carefully shown to be unique people with
various flaws and virtues. None of them are stereotypes,
but it's Suzy who is the magnificent spirit the male
character falls in love with.
Unfortunately, Suzy's name is now associated with all
Asian prostitutes and thus with all prejudices associated
with them. Asian woman criticize Western men who don't
understand that only a small percentage of Asian women
are prostitutes as wanting a Suzy Wong. Some men do
think of Asian women as having been trained since
childhood to know all the ways to use their bodies to give
pleasure to men.
There may be some truth to that, in that there are Asian
`sex secrets' not generally known in the West, because
we're inhibited on the subject. I do believe that there is a
significant body of knowledge that bar girls and massage
parlor women are taught, regarding such things as
tightening their PC muscles to increase the man's pleasure,
massaging his prostate gland, etc., that many American
women would disdain to use even if they knew of them.
But the average Asian woman who most certainly is NOT
a prostitute probably knows less about sex than American
women, who are widely regarded throughout Asia by
both men and women as sluts.
I have read reports of high class prostitutes who have been
20
highly trained in sexual techniques, and I strongly suspect
that they do exist, for certainly there are enough wealthy
Asian men who would want such services and could
afford them. I wish I could give a firsthand report on this
subject, but I've never tried to seek them out. I am not a
wealthy man and have always assumed I could not afford
a lady of this caliber.
Unless you do date a prostitute and that's a subject that
will demand its own section later in this course your
woman is likely to be sexually innocent and naive. A
virgin in spirit as well as hymen.
YOUR BEST DEFENSE AGAINST FRAUD
I've gone on at length about stereotypes for a practical
reason. Not understanding these fantastic illusions people
have about the `exotic' Far East will interfere with your
goal of finding the Asian woman who is right for you.
Why?
Asian women are not Dragon Ladies but that doesn't mean
there aren't plenty who are dishonest and scheming.
Some are very willing to deceive you. They'll act as
innocent as the young lady in the movie FLOWER DRUM
SONG but inside they're con artists.
You may have read a famous quote by Rudyard Kipling.
He put on a tombstone: "Here lies the fool who tried to
hustle the East." I believed for many years that Kipling was
referring to people who tried to hustle Asians in the
modern sense of trying to con or rip them off. It wasn't
until recently that I realized that he was saying that Asians
go very slowly, that it's useless to try to rush them.
However, I believe that my interpretation is now more
accurate than Kipling's original intention. Asians in rural
areas still move with the sun, but in general their
businesses and societies are faster and more dynamic than
ours. There is certainly danger in trying to `hustle' them
however. Don't ever expect something for nothing from
Asians, whether in business or love. Even Asian con
artists, including golddiggers, know how to return value
to their victims, if only by being charming and
entertaining company while they're working their deceits.
I've seen guidebooks warn their readers about how
charming Asian con artists can be. These books made the
point that even after they were bilked, many victims just
couldn't believe that wonderful man or woman had
actually been a thief. There had to be some mistake.
As idealistic and corny as this may sound, your best
defense against the women who would like to take
advantage of you is your heart your intuition.
You've got to learn to be more sophisticated than the
average American even dreams of being. When I was
young I used to get very irritated when I'd read spy novels
and some jaded old European would comment, "You
Americans are so naive." I didn't like to think of myself as
any kind of stupid, but I know now that as a generality it is
true. We are naive.
When you meet the right woman she's not going to be
wearing a sign around her neck. When you meet one of
the many wrong woman they're not going to be wearing
signs either. In fact, if they want you, they're going to do
their best to convince you they are the beautiful sweet
charmer you want. They're not going to tell you that they
plan to leave you as soon as they obtain a permanent green
card but they'll spend you into bankruptcy before that.
Again, this is a warning that Asian women are simply
human beings and that some of them are not as wonderful
as they want you to think. They themselves know and
accept that this is simply how human beings are. You
have to learn to separate the good from the bad.
You have to listen to your intuition, which will see the
truth of their inner natures, not think too much with a head
full of silly fantasies.
I'm not trying to be mystical here. This is not some ancient
Oriental religious teaching or New Age nonsense, it's
simply the practical truth that you must know that some
Asian women will lie to you and they're very good at it and
you do very much want to be able to spot the losers so you
can concentrate on the winners.
Whatever you do, don't be discouraged. There are thieves
and opportunists and con artists in every
racial/ethnic/gender group. The vast majority of Asian
women are honest, gentle and caring. If they're not
interested in you then you should be able to feel that.
They'll let you know in an indirect manner that saves face
for both of you, and you should sense within yourself that
Clearing Your Mind Of Misleading Misconceptions
21
Clearing Your Mind Of Misleading Misconceptions
your two personalities are not a good match.
When you find the right woman you'll feel that you `click,'
and make that magical emotional chemistry we call love.
That may sound like a stereotype but your heart knows
that love is a true and wonderful feeling.
Again, stereotypes will only interfere with your
understanding of the truths, good and bad, your heart
perceives about the Asian women you will meet on your
journey. And this opening yourself up to your
unconscious intuition is necessary partly because you will
be very limited in the ways you normally communicate
with women, due to language and cultural barriers.
THE DISADVANTAGES OF DATING
ASIAN WOMEN
To keep ourselves honest, let's acknowledge that dating
Asian women has its unique problems.
Human beings are the same in many basic ways, but
beyond that we are very different. And Americans in
particular are very inexperienced in how people from
different cultures can be very different.
English is the lingua franca of the Far East but depending
on her background there's a good chance your woman will
speak none to very little. Until one of you becomes
proficient in the other's language you may find talking
over the simplest things very complex.
English is an official language of India, Hong Kong,
Malaysia and The Philippines and taught in the schools. It
is also taught in many other Asian countries, so the more
highly educated your woman is the more likely she speaks
it. However, you can't count on this unless you do confine
yourself to the highly educated. This will limit your
choices because it is precisely these Asian women who are
the least likely to be interested in American men, except
for Filipinas. The rest are already affluent and have their
choice of men.
And what will you talk about? She won't share most of
your cultural background. She won't know the TV shows
you watched as a kid. She won't be familiar with older
American pop songs or any obscure music like The
Mothers of Invention. She never wanted to be a
cheerleader and she won't understand yuppie or lawyer
jokes. What she is aware of she won't attach the same
emotional connotations to as you do. She probably won't
catchsarcasm or irony or snide remarks. She's probably
never heard of Count Dracula but has been frightened of
vampires since she was a child.
She will probably not share many values which have been
socialized into you. Fairness. Honesty at the expense of
other people's feelings or one's own face. Men and women
sharing duties and expenses 50/50. Calmly talking out
problems instead of fighting. Total openness between
husband and wife. The importance of having a `mature'
relationship.
When she's angry she's angry and won't listen to any
intellectual rationalizations no matter how much sense
they make to you. She won't listen to reason when she's
upset, which also keeps her from falling for some of the
ridiculous rationalizations that American women allow
their husbands to convince them of.
If she sees you staring at another woman at a party you
won't convince her it didn't mean anything. She knows it
did, even if you were committing that adultery only in
your heart, committing it you were! And if she saw you,
then your other friends at the party saw you and she lost
face and will not be satisfied until she has it back.
Thus, you must prepare for the unexpected. She won't
always behave the way you expect her to or as you've
learned from American society that women should
behave (for good or ill).
Are you a squeamish or adventurous eater? If you're not
into chili peppers, fried pigeons or fish sauce how will you
feel when you watch your demure sweetie greedily
devour incubated duck's eggs, squid and fresh
grasshoppers?
It's best to look at all these `disadvantages' as
opportunities to expand your range of experience, to
explore new worlds of language, thought and human
behavior. Besides, there can be a great cultural gap
between men and women in America too, especially if you
date outside your class, age or race.
Seeing your Asian woman laugh herself sick at The Three
Stooges will give you a new appreciation of your own life.
You will understand more about yourself and your
22
`native' culture as you start to experience them from the
fresh perspective of her eyes.
I should also point out that any fool walking down an
Asian street can see that although many of the women are
extremely beautiful, this beauty is often not cosmetically
flawless. If your idea of a beautiful woman is very
classical, aristocratic and aesthetic, you may run into
complications.
Most Asian women who actively consider or try to marry
Western men do not come from the sheltered upper
classes. They grew up running around poor villages, in
rice paddies and jungles. Or they were raised in urban
shantytowns cobbled together from scraps of metal.
When they were cut and scraped and bruised and bitten
by snakes they weren't rushed to emergency rooms to
have the wounds stitched and patched. The nearest
doctor may have been many kilometers away or simply
too expensive.
Dentists were even more unavailable. They didn't have
cavities filled with silver or gold. When their teeth became
too infected and painful they were not saved with a root
canal procedure, but pulled without painkillers. Most
Asian women have not had the common American
adolescent experience of wearing braces.
Of the Asian women I've known in Asia, many had scars,
especially on their legs. Yes, from snake bites as well as
soccer. Many had gaps in their teeth. One lady had more
gaps than teeth. (On the other hand, they might be able to
pry off bottle caps with the teeth they do have.) You may
find yourself taking her to the dentist right after your
honeymoon. Yes, that will cost money, and so we come to
another distinct disadvantage to Asian women.
Unless your woman does come from an affluent
background and the probability of that is low you will be
asked to help out her family with money.
She is not trying to take advantage of you unless she
demands more than she knows you can reasonably afford.
Asian cultures value family (despite being far more
sexually more understanding, something moralists don't
comprehend) far more than ours does and kinship ties are
very important and powerful. Chinese businessmen have
a vast international economic web because brothers,
cousins, in-laws etc. who live in the People's Republic,
Hong Kong, The Philippines, Los Angeles, Vancouver etc.
all help each other out as necessary. They are more loyal to
their families than to any government. They already own
some of the largest private businesses in the world and
their influence will grow as the Far East in general
becomes the world's most powerful economy.
Once you're a member of your wife's family you'll be
expected to do your share, and as a relatively affluent
American that normally does mean sending money. My
advice is to accept it as a small price to pay for the
happiness your woman will bring you. And you never
know, sometime you may need the help of your in-laws
and, because you are family, they will do whatever they
can for you.
To find the right woman for you no matter what her name
or nationality is, you've got to have a clear head. The
purpose of this section was to clear out the many
misconceptions of Asian women you probably have.
ABOUT FEMINISTS AND WHY THEY'RE
NOW FEMI-MAOISTS
Believe it not, I don't enjoy being a feminist basher.
Feminists will use what I've said in these pages to claim I
hate women or something. That hurts, because I love and
adore women. I'm more comfortable around them than
men. In many ways they are generally smarter, tougher,
more interesting, more open and emotional, more funloving
and are all-round better human beings than men.
I believe in equal rights, an end to sexual double standards
of morality and equal pay for equal work. I am against
rape and physical abuse. I have marched and
demonstrated for the ERA and legal abortion. I have read
many feminist books and magazines, from THE SECOND
SEX by Simone de Beauvoir, to THE FEMININE
MYSTIQUE by Betty Friedan to the SISTERHOOD IS
POWERFUL anthology edited by Robin Morgan,
HERESIES, NEW WOMEN'S TIMES, OFF OUR BACKS
etc. I have belonged to NOW and NARAL and have
donated money to such causes as battered women's
shelters and lesbian rights.
So what changed my mind?
As far as I'm concerned, it's not me that's changed. It's
what the label `feminist' stands for.
Clearing Your Mind Of Misleading Misconceptions
23
Many political movements are started by idealists with
highly noble motives who want to solve very broad social
problems. As time passes, if these movements want to
acquire more popularity and power they must narrow
their focus to achieve some concrete success. They cannot
solve broad social problems, so they concentrate on
passing laws.
The Civil Rights Movement didn't and couldn't have
ended racism among all people in our society. But it could
and did outlaw racial discrimination, by forcing the
passage of The Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting
Rights Act of 1965. Since these two outstanding triumphs,
the Civil Rights Movement has backed away from fighting
for its original vision of a `colorblind' society. The Student
NonViolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC) kicked out
its white members almost immediately after these bills
were passed.
'Civil Rights' organizations are now just political special
interest groups fighting not for an end to racism but to
grab a guaranteed slice of the country's political and
economic pie for African-Americans.
Feminism has followed a similar route. It has gone from
advocating complete freedom for both sexes to becoming
another component of the Democratic Party's affirmative
action package.
But a large part of the gender relations in the lives of
nonlesbian women is not acknowledged out loud by the
women busy politicking for more female CEOs,
lawmakers and judges. It is not mentioned because it's
politically very incorrect. But it is one major motivation
for so-called feminists bashing men who love Asian
women. I'll dare to say it:
Most nonlesbian women want a husband.
No matter how loudly they proclaim their independence.
It's an economic as well as an emotional issue. For most
women it's far more relevant than whether or not female
vice presidents of Fortune 500 companies make as much as
their male counterparts.
Two can always live better than one, and since a high
percentage of women marry men who make more money
than they do (a fact not used in computing politically
correct economic comparisons between men and women),
Clearing Your Mind Of Misleading Misconceptions
being married makes a huge difference in their quality of
life. It is also only marriage that makes possible
subsequent divorce settlements and inheritances as a
widow.
Yet not too long ago the papers were full of statistics about
how women's chances of getting married were growing
slimmer, especially the older they are. And women
constantly complain about the shortage of decent
heterosexual men. Some of this loneliness is self-imposed
I'm sure you've all got personal horror stories. Some of it is
the natural result of social changes beyond any
individual's control. Myself, I feel sorry for anyone who's
lonely and sexually frustrated, especially if they see little
or no possibility of escape from that situation. I know all
too well how that terrible that feels.
Too many women are lonely, frustrated and rejected too.
Think about this:
You're a forty to fifty-year old woman. Every day you see
more gray in your hair, more pounds on your hips and
lines in your face. You've never married or you had a brief
marriage with a jerk when you were twenty-two. You
gave your youth to the fight for the ERA and to establish
your academic credentials. You've convinced yourself
you never really wanted children, but you would like an
emotionally and economically secure man to take you to
film festivals and ethnic restaurants and fill your bed on
Saturday night.
So how do you feel when you go to a cocktail party (alone)
and spot a handsome eligible man in your age bracket
escorting a beautiful Vietnamese woman who's younger
than his daughter? Or watch a TV `expose' of American
men marrying `mail order' Filipino brides?
Of course you are outraged that American men who are
such pigs are allowed to exploit poor little Asian girls.
You know of course than any man your age who would
even consider having sex with a nineteen-year old Thai
woman (instead of you) must really be a pedophile who
goes to Southeast Asia to have sex with nine-year old girls.
There ought to be a law. Such men ought to go to jail.
Facts and equality be damned the femi-maoists are
jealous and want you and I to pay for their personal
24
problems. Because they want a husband and you don't
want to marry them.